How to Install a Car Seat

My wife and daughter are in Ithaca right now and they wanted to install the car seat base in my Mother-In-Law's CRV. Since I was not there with my disposable opposable thumbs, I was not able to install the car seat base myself. So my wife asked me to send her some basic directions on how to install the car seat. I started looking up directions online on how to install it, just to make sure that I don't forget anything. And you know what I found? I found that installing a car seat is supposed to be easy. Yes... in a world where rainbows give you flower scented kisses. But in the real world where rainbows spit on your face in the form of rain, installing a car seat can be difficult. Here are the instructions on how to install a car seat from www.carseatsite.com. But I have also added my actual experience. The actual instructions are in bold, and my experience is in italics. Hit the jump to read more.

LATCH-compatible carseat: 

Follow the manufacturer's instructions. 

I am not a monkey. I will not blindly follow directions. Oooh! a banana!

Use the appropriate LATCH belt paths; i.e., use the rear-facing LATCH belt path for a rear-facing installation and the forward-facing LATCH belt path for a forward-facing installation. 

Well duh. Of course you use the rear-facing LATCH belt path for a rear-facing installation. I mean, what kind of idiot... oh mother hugger! I put the base on backwards... Actually it's upside down... how did that.. wait... this isn't even the base... its just the box the car seat came in... ah.. here is the actual base... hhmmm.. which way is this supposed to go again??

Read your vehicle's instruction manual carefully to determine where you may install the carseat. LATCH may not be available in the center. 

Manuals?!? Don't make me laugh. Ha. ha. ha. Too late! you already did. I am a man. I don't need no stinking manuals! Ok. So not in the middle. It has to be on the left or right. Let's see. The left hand makes the L.

Uh oh. now I'm confused...

Snap the hooks down firmly onto the vehicle's LATCH anchors and verify they are correctly connected 

Ok. First I need to find the LATCH anchors. It says here there are under a button. A button that looks like... a baby going down a slide?!?! That makes no sense. 

Pull the belt(s) tight so that the carseat moves less than 1" when you tug on it at the belt path. Press down or put weight on the seat as you pull the belt tight.

This is actually the hard part. You need to kneel on the car seat and tug the bejesus out of that strap. It helps if you paint half your face blue and yell out FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOM! as you pull the strap. 

Picture from the film, Braveheart

And that is how you actually install a car seat. Pretty easy huh?